Beginners Steps on Mindfulness

Be Mindful

How much energy do your negative thoughts burn?

Photo by Nastya Petrova on Unsplash

Recently I disclosed to a friend how much I have battled with my body over the years. I have always felt as if I was taking up too much space. I wanted to make myself disappear, or shrink into a miniature version of myself. But I never knew how. I’ve hidden my insecurities and self-harm for years. But recently, I decided to live a more authentic life and talk about things that most of society keeps under wraps.

Fitting in Physically

I am a person that has always said I don’t care what other people think. And in many ways that is true. But I wanted to physically fit in. Going to specialty bra shops to find my large size was embarrassing, and the options available made me cringe. Often when I was trying on men’s shoes, the attendants would point out that I was in the wrong section. When I asked them if they carried my size in women’s shoes their eyes went wide and they shook their heads.

I didn’t feel I could live up to others’ expectations of how a woman should dress, walk, or behave. Some part of me always felt too fat, too awkward, or like I was in the way. It didn’t matter if I was on the sidewalk, in the grocery store, or in my seat on an airplane. I had this feeling that I was…